


Reflection

by celeste9



Category: Suikoden, Suikoden I
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 17:17:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Flik ponders himself and the meaning of his relationship with Odessa after a great loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflection

Today my life changed forever. 

I finally made it to the Liberation Army’s new headquarters, only to find that… Odessa… was not there.

How could this have happened? Damn them! Damn the Imperials. Damn Viktor, for not keeping his promise. Damn Tir, for making Odessa trust him. Damn her, for being so quick to trust, for… for going off and leaving me.

But… no… I’m not angry at them, not really. It wasn’t Viktor’s fault, or Tir’s, or… Odessa’s… It was mine. If I had been there, I could have saved her. I shouldn’t have let her go. I should never have let her talk me into staying behind. I should have hidden in Lenankamp until she got back. I should have done something, anything…

My hands are bleeding. I’ve put a hole in the wall from hitting it so hard. My hands bleed, but I hardly notice. The pain does nothing to dull the ache that is in my heart.

Odessa… My mind is full of you. I can still hear your sweet voice singing to me, the way you used to laugh indulgently at me, and your fervent words. I can smell the roses in your auburn hair, beautiful as the setting sun against your pale, flawless skin. I can see your bright green eyes, twinkling and full of spirit. I can feel you in my arms, and remember the way I always wondered how such a small, fragile body could hold such passion and strength. I still wonder.

Why did you love me? I was never good enough for you. But you could only ever see the good in me, like you did for everyone. I didn’t deserve you. I wasn’t the leader you told me I could be. I’m just a failure, a man from Warrior’s Village who will never finish his journey. You were the only thing that I cared about, but I couldn’t save you.

But maybe… maybe you saved me. I was nothing until I met you, just a foolish boy with nowhere to call home and no purpose to my wandering. But you taught me how to love, how to believe in something, how to fight for it. I was never worthy of you, but maybe I’ll do something to change that. When we meet again, Odessa, I promise you… I’ll be the man you always knew I could be.

That I swear on the sword I gave your name. Hm… I remember when I told you I was going to name my sword after you, because I wanted you to know I would always protect you and that everything I did was in your name. You told me… _That’s sweet, Flik, but a little old-fashioned, don’t you think? Just back it up with some action, and I’ll be content._

You were always like that. When I wanted to keep you safe from the dangers of the world, you’d purposely leave me behind (as you did the last time I ever saw you…). I hated it, and you knew it. But that didn’t stop you. I guess I loved it a little. And your words were never empty. I loved that, too.

But I think you knew. When I named my sword “Odessa,” you knew what it meant to me, and I saw in your eyes that it meant something to you as well, as much as you brushed it off. It was the grandest romantic gesture I could do for you, warrior as I am. Warrior as you were.

Girl and warrior both.

I don’t trust Tir. I could never trust people like you could. When Mathiu told me what had happened to you, and that Tir was now in charge, I ran out like a child having a temper tantrum. I’m sorry… It was just too much for me. I can’t see how he’ll ever live up to you, Odessa. But I will help him, because you believed in him. You could always see the best in people. So I will look for it, too.

I will help Tir and the Liberation Army. I will fight for what you died for. It’s the least I can do, after all that you gave me. Someday, this land will be free from Imperial rule, though you will not get to see it. And then, when I have changed myself, I will see you again.


End file.
